Just Show Up
Physical movement will change your mental state. Plain and simple. All you have to do is show up for yourself.
But, sometimes, there are too many reasons not to leave the house.
As I was heading to a SOL Session last night, I had a bunch.
Of course, I have to go. I created the thing. But if I didn’t, I’m pretty sure I would’ve turned my car around.
Reason 1 – I got sad news right before I walked out the door. The kind of news that starts phrases like “there is no God” and “what’s it all for, anyway?” running through my mind. Reason 2 – Bad storms predicted for later, possible dangerous driving. And reason 3 – my knee was bothering me. Three perfectly valid reasons. Enough for me to decide that by far the best thing for me to do would be to return home, take the rest of the cookies I left on the counter to bed and relieve my DVR of some of its programming.
Yep. If I wasn’t the host of the evening, I would’ve turned my car around.
Instead, I showed up and faked it – feeling more nervous and uncomfortable than usual until the session got started.
And thank God that I did.
When I started the music and turned out the lights, I didn’t feel like dancing. So I stood still with my eyes closed. Before long, I was swaying my body. And within a few more songs, I was all in, limbs flying, dancing.
I still felt the sadness. I felt the depression that was hanging around me. But as my body started to warm up, I began to feel a release. With a full sweat, came a full of a sense of gratitude.
Gratitude for the darkness, that I didn’t have to fake anything. Gratitude for the other women’s claps and yelps that inspired me to continue. And gratitude that the phrases running through my head changed to “life is too short” and “we’ll figure it out”.
Somehow, I don’t think pounding some random dark chocolate cookies (that I can’t remember the name of) and the Bachelorette would’ve had the same effect.
I’m grateful for the other women who also showed up last night for themselves. And – perhaps unbeknownst to them – for me, too.